She's JV to your varsity
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She bit a glass in half.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
