Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
