I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
