THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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