she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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