we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
