I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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