i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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