Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
