the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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