I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
