OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
