i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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