I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
