At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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