Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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