Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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