if i died would you start the facebook group?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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