i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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