Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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