She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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