I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
