I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
