And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
