She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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