went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
