you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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