The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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