i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
