Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
