I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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