My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
