This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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