i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
