The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
