drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
