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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  That text needs to switch to water.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai

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• (916): View more from California

  They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?

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