It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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