Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
