Where is the hickey?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
