Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
