party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
