I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
