You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
