we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
