Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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