Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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