i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
