mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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