Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
