He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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