Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
