Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
