i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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