i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
