and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
