Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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