a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
