I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She bit a glass in half.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
did i just pee glitter
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
