Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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